If you knew me, you'd know that the mere thought of me being on the Amazing Race is absurd. I travel with my own sheets and Lysol. I am very particular about where I stay. And when I went to Romania, well, let's just say thank the Lord I had me some cheese crackers!
But there is something inside of me that so wants to be on the amazing race. However, I would have to have a partner who isn't afraid of heights, will eat anything and can speak most languages and is well versed in "nasty". Because some people can just be plain nasty! And I'm a southerner, we don't do nasty. We do sweet as pie to your face and do "nasty" behind your back. Well, some do. Not me.
I mean serious, if I got to a challenge and had to bungie jump, well, you'd have to just knock me out and push me over because that's the only way I'd go. Or, if they stuck pig brain or, or, well, I can't imagine anything worse...but if they stuck that in front of me and said bon'appetite, I'd say, "If he don't come fried I ain't eatin' him!" And if I got to a road block and they told me I had to shave off my hair, well, I did think Demi Moore looked cool in G.I. Jane, but sister doesn't have her face, and I've grown fond of my locks, so I'd have to turn around and go all the way back.
The trouble is there is no one willing to go with me. No one wants to share this adventure! I can't understand why. I don't cry often. I throw fits only when necessary. And I'm almost over my fear of packed trains in India! So, I think I'd be a perfect partner.
It is a new year. The Amazing Race is accepting applications. And I do know both of my brother's social security numbers. So, what they know won't hurt them.
But if I never make it on the television show I have determined that this year is going to be an Amazing Race for me. Everyday. I'm going to eat things I've never eaten before. Did that new years day actually. Ate collards! I know I'm southern, but I never liked collards. But poured hot pepper vinegar over those things and I was like wow! I'm going to jump off of something this year! Maybe a hotel bed, or my sofa, but I'm jumping off of something! And I'm going to travel somewhere odd. Somewhere I've never been. Hey, I've never been to Washington State. Last person I saw come out of there looked kind of odd.
But no matter what it's going to be a race and it's going to be Amazing! Hope to see you along the way...
Denise Hildreth lives in Franklin, Tennessee where she makes her home with Maggie and Sophie, has long dinner with good friends, loves a good book by a southern author and would share a coke with you anytime. Oh, and every now and then she writes a book.