Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Let Jessica Have Her Cake by Susan Reinhardt

Bravo to Jessica Simpson for finally doing something substantial. Seems she’s having her cake and eating it, too.
All the magazines and newspapers that enjoy splashing stars’ bods on the covers had a fit over her new zaftig figure. To me, her more curvy shape is how a woman should appear.
The photos show her in jeans – albeit those not so flattering “mommy” jeans – looking if she’s shunned the typical Hollywood diet of coffee and colonics. Good for her.
If other models and stars packed a few pounds on their skeletal frames, the rate of anorexia among young teens might show a downward curve.
Too many young girls, even those in elementary school, talk about going on diets and losing weight. It’s frightening and can be partially corrected if the media would applaud celebrities who are a size 6 to 8 instead the usual boneyard parade of zeroes and 2’s.
Personally, I think we writers are the best size. Who doesn’t love to rip open a bag of Cape Cod potato chips while the muse tries her best to strike?
My favorite Prose Muse is peanut M&M’s. I just seem to write gooder when I eat them.
I’m also now a size 10 due to my Muse losing her job to corporate cutbacks. She’s pissed she has no insurance and her 401-K drained itself emptier than her cupboards. I just don’t have the money to pay her. My agent is having trouble selling my new novel. Maybe it sucks. Maybe I suck and should get a job teaching exercise at Curves.
Maybe I’ll just go to the grocery store and get some 90 percent off Valentine’s candy and tell Cupid to strike instead.
Back to Jessica, who seems to lack a bit of gray matter. While she’s never been someone I admire, but at least she’s defending her new shape. She says she’s happy. Happy people generally eat. Writers with fat advances eat well.
When the tabloids hit the grocery stores last week, many in the media rose up in waddling arms over her new and much fuller figure.
I guess people want their celebrities to look like breasts tottering on two sticks. No fat, no muscle. Just give the public their stars in a cadaverous form and all is well.
Take the latest issue of “Sports Illustrated,” the famous swimsuit section. Each February the slick skin sheet seems to get more daring in its baring.
I remember when my Daddy subscribed to SI. As a young girl, I’d scan that famous yearly swimsuit issue and think it quite scandalous.
This year’s “Sports Illustrated” cover featured a model in what is described as a string bikini, but all I saw was string. The muckety-mucks at the magazine bragged about what a curvy model they’d chosen. The only noticeable curves were a couple of hefty dollops of silicone.
As for Jessica and her new weight, the same ugly chatter arose when Britney Spear’s body wasn’t buff as a waxed car.
Give these gals a break. Many have given birth and the pressure to restore a pre-baby body is as intense as going all out to win an Olympic gold.
If Jessica gains a few, people say she’s fat. If she or another star loses a few, all the chatter is about anorexia.
At least when the tabloids posted her Jessica’s fuller figure, other celebs rushed to her defense, including singers LeAnn Rimes and former “American Idol” contestant, Kellie Pickler.
The gossipy show “Entertainment Tonight,” filmed them blasting the criticisms of Jess’s new body.
“She looks awesome,” Kellie Pickler, who loves the word “awesome,” said. “She’s stunning. She is so tiny.”
As for LeAnn Rimes, she’s weathered her share of harsh words regarding her weight.
“You know how many unflattering photos we’ve all taken?” she said. “You can have an armpit stain and people don’t understand it’s a million degrees outside.”
In the media’s eyes, “You’re never going to be perfect,” she said.
It’s long overdue we celebrate the fuller figures. That is if we want our children to grow up with healthy role models.
It’s also long overdue I had a truffle. Come back, Muse. I’ll buy you some Cape Cods!

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